Campfire Classics Podcast

A Different Kind of Santa

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Ken is back this week with a fantasy epic form Mr. Baum!!
This Oz flavored Holiday Happening should fill you with cheer, and repentance, and envy...wait, that doesn't sound right, does it?
"A Kidnapped Santa Claus" was first publish in 1904 and has been called "one of Baum's most beautiful stories."
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A Sack of Dried Peas

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Ken is back this week, working all by his onesome, and bringing you some classic sci-fi from Ray Bradbury.
Your host reads, and I don't have the patience to go into it more than that, so just listen to it! It's a good story!
"A Little Journey" was published in the August 1951 edition of Galaxy Science Fiction. Extensive research has uncovered no copyright.
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Count The Entendres

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week is more literary than usual.
More in the sense of Ken reads a longer than usual story.
He's flying solo again this week (lord help us) so he's decided, in his infinite "wisdom", to read us an extra long story.
In fairness, it's a pretty good one.
Coming to you directly...no, that's actually not true. Coming to you INdirectly from Dame Agatha Christie!
The Kidnapped Prime Minister!
"The Kidnapped Prime Minister" was published in Poirot Investigates in 1924.
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Devil Pee

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Happy Thanksgiving!
The Christmas Creep begins next week, but for now we celebrate the birth of pie and mashed potatoes, or something like that.
Whatever.
Ken is going it alone this week, and he's got a holiday story ready for you from the always (sometimes) hilarious O. Henry!
The story is "Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen" and Ken reads it...well, yeah, he reads it.
You'll also learn another reason to think Thomas Jefferson was a dick, the story of the real first American Thanksgiving, and, hey, did you catch the episode title? DEVIL PEE!
"Two Thanksgiving Day Gentlemen" was published in the short story collection The Trimmed Lamp and Other Stories of the Four Million, in 1907.
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Hacken-Sack

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Whoa!  What happened! I had two whole weeks of feeling like life made sense, and now...
Oh, the show's back, that's what...
Ah well. This week your hosts cover a new author with...cute hairy buns...? That can't be right.
No! His name is Henry Cuyler Bunner. Heather has selected his story "The Nice People" for Ken to read. And I tell you what, he really does read some words.
During the story, Ken and Heather chat about antiquated bit jokes, ruminate on pigeon genocide, and balk at the serious shade thrown at Mothers-in-Law by Hank Bunner.
"The Nice People" is from Bunner's Short Sixes and also appeared in his periodical Puck in the July 30, 1890 issue.
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Antimatopoeia

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Our hosts are going old school this week.
A REAL campfire.
A familiar author.
A creepy story.
And NO editing.
That's right folks. This week is raw and unedited.
Ken gives Heather "The Tell-Tale Heart" by E. A. Poe.
While she reads, your hosts discuss signs that you might be a serial killer, things they like uncut, and invent a new word!
"The Tell-Tale Heart" was published in 1843.
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Euphemistic Heel Turn

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
How much could you learn about a person based on their most quoted movie or song?
What if that person were secretly a vampire?
These and many other questions have nothing to do with this week's story!
The story Heather picked for Ken this week is by a vampire... I mean author... who called herself May Sinclair... if that was her real name... which it wasn't...
The story is called "The Token" and Ken reads it well, but somehow Heather still ends up doing some dodgy accent work.
Other questions:How would you use that paperweight?How do you start a difficult conversation?Seriously, are you a vampire!?
"The Token" was published in the book Uncanny Stories in 1923.
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Ho Ho Ho Bitches

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
It's 1993!
And Scotch season.
And that's as much intro as you need.
Ken has selected a story this week by Arthur C. Clarke. The story is called The Pacifist, and that title is surprisingly spoiler free!
Heather reads well, which is, let's face it, kind of a prerequisite for being part of this podcast.  Though there is some confusion as to the difference between geology and genealogy.
Along the way, Heather overcomplicates the first name in the story, misses a few INTRICACIES, and probably doesn’t offend the French, though Ken might…
"The Pacifist" was published in 1956 in Fantastic Universe.
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Oktoberfest

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It's October! Time for a Fest of some kind.
With food maybe? And something to drink?
Some kind of...October...Fest...
Nah. That's silly.
Heather has selected this week's story, and it comes to us from E.F. Benson, author of "The Room in the Tower", from Campfire Classics episode number 24 Dreams, Feasts, and Fire Island. Ken gives it a go, despite some unreasonably long sentences.
Discussion topics this week include the international awesomeness of coffee, what we do in the back, and a misidentified president.
"The Terror by Night" was published in 1912 in The Room in the Tower, and Other Stories.
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O Calumny

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What do you think of when you think of Italy?
For many the answer is the Mario Brothers! Probably.
Anyway, I'm gonna say it is so that I can segue into this weeks author Luigi (like the video game plumber) Capuana!
Ken selected the story, which means you are going to be treated to Heather's dulcet voice as she reads a story that contains disappointinglu few foreign words.
Along the way Heather does struggle with one particular word, Ken chooses not to commit copyright infringement despite announcing that he's going to, and...so...many...voices!
"The Deposition" was published in English The Library of the World's Best Mystery and Detective Stories in 1907.
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Sucked Down a Hole

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Back to the regular schedule!
Heather has selected a story by an author we've somehow avoided for YEARS: Isaac Asimov. So let's dive into some foundational science fiction.
Ken reads with...we'll call it...enthusiasm. And it's a wild story.
Conversation topics include Quigsand [sic], featureless metal bulges, and stank skanks.
"The Last Question" was published in the science fiction pulp magazine Science Fiction Quarterly in 1956.
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Some Outside Time

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Have you ever felt like you just need to get outside and soak up some sun?
That's basically what this week's story is about.
"The Outsider" was written by H.P. Lovecraft and published in 1926.
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A Sequel?

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This week we're having a psychotic break! Please try not to laugh as Ken changes his pronunciation of the title character's name every time he says it.
"The Wise Princess" was written by Mary de Morgan and published in the book The Necklace of Princess Fiormonde in 1886.
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How do you spell that?

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week we're having a psychotic break! Please try not to laugh as Ken changes his pronunciation of the title character's name every time he says it.
"Nyarlathotep" was written by H.P. Lovecraft and published in 1920.
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Shuttlecockus Interruptus

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We've got a new lady writing for us this week. I mean, she didn't write just for us, and she's been dead for a hundred and fifteen years...but you get the point.
Mary de Morgan, who had interesting relationships with both Rudyard Kipling and George Bernard Shaw (you'll have to listen for more details) wrote this week's story, and Heather gives it a great read!
While she reads, your hosts engage in a rapid fire exchange of witticisms.
"Rapid fire" seems generous. It's definitely witty at a comfortable marathon pace. But they do talk about some weird nonsense.
Raise your hand if you're surprised.
No one?
Okay.
Topics of conversation include the questionable origins of Scrabble, a prequel to The Wizard of Oz, and George Bernard Shaw's stupid chin.
"The Three Clever Kings" was published in 1880.
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Literary Money Shot

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This episode might be as far from last week's as it is possible to be. The story is not WTF-ish at all!
Well, that's not quite true.
Actually it is very WTF-ish, just in a completely different way! Like, it's not confusing.
No, that's wrong too.  It is confusing, but like it's supposed to be.
Never mind, I'm starting over.
Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week Heather has chosen a story for Ken to read by Bengali writer, poet, painter, composer, philosopher, and...baseball player...probably...not...
The point is he was super multi-talented. His name was Rabindranath Tagore. No cheating, how did you just pronounce that in your head?
During the episode your hosts discuss owl-parrots, 1970s porn, and the rationale of vindictive ghosts.
"In the Middle of the Night" was published in 1894.
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My Safeword: Goat’s Milk

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Warning:
This episode was very nearly titled "WTF".
Yeah, it's that kind of episode.
But here's the wild bit. It's because of the story!!!
Ken has selected a bizarre f-ing story called "Dragon-Child and Sun-Child" by a guy called A.G. Seklemian and it is just an absolutely unhinged little tale about......yeah, actually I don't know what it's about.  I just finished listening and I'm pretty sure the whole thing is a demented fever dream. 
To give you context, your hosts discuss a nation of genius genies, how babies get here, and the life saving properties of the McFlurry, and yet this story is still the weirdest part of the episode.
"Dragon-Child and Sun-Child" was published in 1898.
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Dinah Blows

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Someone's in the Kitchen!!
Get out of the kitchen, you weirdo!
Why are you in my kitchen?
Heather has picked a story for Ken to read this week by new to Campfire Classics author Dinah Maria Mulock Craik. It's a ghost story, so strap in kiddos!
As they read, your hosts discuss ejaculatory evidence, Shakespeare, and first loves.
"The Last House in C---- Street" was published in 1856.
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Hardline Anti-Cannibal

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Well...
This one gets weird.
Ken picks a story by a guy named Fritz. Heather reads is. Accents abound, and it's all your very usual quirky nonsense.
But, your talking points include TikTok Cannibals, a drive by pantsing, and the invention of the Scotch beer float.
Ugh...Just...Ugh...
"Literary podcast" my arse.
Anyway! "Coming Attractions" was written by Fritz Leiber and first published in 1950. Extensive research has found no evidence of an active copyright.
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A Psychotic Cat

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Please "enjoy" this brief psychotic break!
"The Cats of Ulthar" was written by H.P. Lovecraft and published in 1920.
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The Dirtiest Thing We’ve Ever Read

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The breaks are over! The team is back! And...well, you read the title and your here anyway...
Heather picked a witchy little Nathaniel Hawthorne ditty (can you use that word as a story?) for Ken to read. Which he does. Eventually. First your hosts chat about life, the universe, and...you know...stuff.
The story is actually quite good.  Well, the stories usually are. Along the way Heather and Ken discuss demon Pontiacs, mystical drug dealers, and and the relative merits of owning multiple staffs. If you know what I mean.
"Young Goodman Brown" was first published in 1835.
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A Psychotic Break

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The Pooh Breaks are over!
It's a new era, now!
"Dagon" was published in 1917.
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The Last Pooh

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Enjoy it while you can.  Our next Pooh is over half a year away.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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Pooh Water

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
You look like you need a Pooh Break.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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Is That a Name?

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Oooo...Ken is sneaky this week. He does a thing with the fun facts you might not be expecting.
Then Heather reads the Story, and you know it's gonna be good, because the week we've got "Hop-Frog" by Edgar Allan Poe.
Talking points include a busy week, a ball mask, and a gimp chimp.
"Hop-Frog" was first published on March 17th, 1849.
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Unseen Poopoo

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Always smell things that smell.
I think that's the moral of this episode.
Please email me to tell me if I'm wrong at thisisntarealemailaddress@idontcare.com.
This week Heather has a story for Ken to read, and somehow they just seem to magically agree that it was written by a fictional character on a terrible '90s sitcom instead of by Mr. George Pope Morris. Which seems rude and dismissive, but clearly I care more about this show than either of the hosts do.
Anyway...
Ken reads the story and Heather cannot contain herself from laughing at silly words, so, you know, the show.
And a bunch of other stuff.New Doctor Who casting.The perfect murder.Do WHAT to a light switch!?
"The Little Frenchman and His Water Lots" was written by George Pope Morris and published in 1839.
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Secreted In Their Butts

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week, we are down with the Flipper Dipper Dip.Apparently...Whatever that means...
Okay, that's the niceties out of the way.
Today, Ken has chosen a story for Heather by pulp author Randall Garrett. It is called "The Time Snatcher". And for some reason Heather has chosen this week to see how many accents she can fit into one hour.
Good luck everyone.
Your talking points include blackmailing Robert Zemeckis, pickup lines that work...kinda, and a tightly guarded erection.
"The Time Snatcher" was published in Imagination Stories of Science and Fantasy in February 1957, extensive research has uncovered no evidence of an active copyright.
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Let Me See Your Peacock

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
WARNING
Skip the 40 seconds from 1:20-2:00.  It nothing but two crass jokes that you will not be a better person for listening to. They were left in because the podcast is contractually obligated to meow out a couple words every few episodes and we were behind on our quota.
Now that you've been warned, I return you to our regularly scheduled blurb.
Oh, Henry...
Wait, no! O. Henry! He's back!
This week's story is called "Let Me Feel Your Pulse" and it's written by O. Henry.
Ken reads, and along the way your hosts discuss bird orifices, medical (mal)practice, and the relative sanity of treating insanity.
"Let Me Feel Your Pulse" was published in 1910.
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The Pooh of Alexander Beetle

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We Saved a Puppy!And we celebrate with this Pooh Break.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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A Rude Kind of Gratitude

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We're back at the grindstone. Cranking out those high quality low brow jokes you expect and...love? Tolerate? Fast forward through?
Whatever.
We're back to our two host witless banter format after a few weeks off.
This week heather is reading a story by a woman named Anna Katharine Green. It's called "Midnight in Beauchamp Row". Does that word look French to you?
The story comes with some unexpected twists and some expected pointless conversation topics.
How long is your rod?How heavy are your stones?WHAT DID THAT IDIOT THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!?
"Midnight in Beauchamp Row" was published in 1895.
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