Campfire Classics Podcast

A Birthday Pooh

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Be honest. You secretly (or perhaps not so secretly) love these pooh breaks.
Go ahead, play this one while you fall asleep. It's super chill.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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Mucus of the Soul

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
So, you read the title. You read the words "Mucus of the Soul". And you decided to come here and read this little blurb about the episode anyway.
Or did you?
I honestly have no idea.
Okay, game time.  I will grant a special surprise and guarantee a shout out on next week's episode to everyone who reads this, emails 5050artsproduction@gmail.com, and tells me you read this. A bonus surprise if you also use the secret passcode from the end of this week's  episode.
How's that for idiotic self promotion?
Oh right!  The show. It's a creepy little story by Ambrose Bierce called "The Damned Thing." Heather reads well, Ken makes pointless jokes...you know the drill.
What would you do with two barrels? **winky face**How would you suppress soul mucus?Are clowns people?
"The Damned Thing" was published in 1893.
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The Only Whole I Ever Knew

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Finally, the Pooh-ing has come to an end!
That's the good news.
But the good news is, that means Clown Corner is back! After which Heather gives us some fun fact about this week's author who you may remember from episode #32, "A Gift to Humanity", Edith Wharton!  Her story "The Verdict" makes up the bulk of this week's episode.
Then the good news! Weird talking points:Milli Vanilli (your hosts really talk about them more than is healthy).Political protests...sorta...The relative legality of necrophilia.
Did you notice how much good news you got in this one?
"The Verdict" was published in 1908.
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Can’t Stop Pooh-ing

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We got a surprising number of positive responses to last week's Pooh Break, and since the folks here at the Campfire Classics Campsite are still a little frazzled (sometimes life just gets you like that), the Pooh Break continues.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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Another Pooh Break

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week got away from the team, as will happen. While they take a little time off, enjoy a little Pooh break.  And yes, we're going to keep using that pun because we, collectively, have the humor and intellect of an eleven year old and think it is funny.
"Winnie-the-Pooh" was published in 1926.
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Booby Posers

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We'll be there for you,When the euphemisms fall.We'll be there for you,To help you reference balls. We'll be there for you,If you share this episode with all your F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Okay.  So that happened
This week Ken has a story from an author we've not read on the show yet named Ellis Parker Butler.  That sounds like a fake name.  Almost as fake as Philo Gubb sounds. But, I don't research things once the show is recorded so...what are you gonna do? 
What is the politically correct term for "crook"?Does it get quicker if you pay more?Where the crap is that accent from?
"Philo Gubb, the Correspondence School Detective" was published in 1913.
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Wagnerian Curse

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Hmmm...what does this week's title mean?A curse of Wagner?A curse in the style of Wagner?Is Wagner a curse?
You tell us!  After you've listened, of course
Heather has chosen a story for Ken to read this week by Japanese author Haruki Murakami called "The Second Bakery Attack".  It is a confusing ride, and not only because it is technically a sequel to a story your hosts haven't read yet.
But, it's a great story, plus you'll be treated to the regular Campfire Classics oddities:Fast and Furious movie ideas.Protein beer recipes.Heather doing a Matthew McConaughey impersonation.
Yes really.
I'm goin to repeat that in case you missed it.
Heather doing a Matthew McConaughey impersonation.
"The Second Bakery Attack" was published in 1985, however research has discovered that it appears to be available through Creative Commons. If you or someone you know has the rights to this story and would prefer we not use, please email us.
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Orange is the New Bloodletting

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This episode is just a D.A.R.E. ad.
Or possibly a McDonald's ad.
Either way, your hosts have sold out and are clearly suckling on the corporate teat. 
Listen, you'll get it.  Ken chose this week's story, which panders to some pretty base ideologies.  It was written by T.S. Arthur, and Heather reads it well, but only after we've been subjected to even some barely concealed marketing.
The themes this week are...confusing.Don't have fun.Sobriety is a cult.Here's a foolproof way to get past the drug sniffing dogs.
Weird, right?
Oh, and here's the video Ken promised you:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t13mpMO1GGk
"The Last Penny" was published in 1852.
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The Pun is Mightier Than the Peen

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It's a mad mad mad mad...well I don't know if I'm legally allowed to finish that sentence or if that would be plagiarism.  But the world is a mess and so is this week's story.
We've got a new author named Holmes, who is probably no relation to the famous detective since our author is an American and Sherlock is British and imaginary.
Heather chose this week's story for the title, clearly.  And you would have, too. It is called "A Visit to the Asylum for Aged and Decayed Punsters".  So...obviously...
There are some important questions asked this week:What is a "Mom Joke"?How do you make a "Disco Tent"?Where have all the Dick Jokes gone?
You've got questions, we've got answers!
Damn, I think I stole that one, too.  Don't sue me Radio Shack.Or do.Whatever, you're Radio Shack! You don't scare me!
"A Visit to the Asylum for Aged and Decayed Punsters" was published in 1861 in The Atlantic.
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Scooby Dooby Death

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Apparently our hosts really do have no sense of decorum, decency, or humor. And I have to sit and listen to this whole thing to try to come up with adequate warnings for you, dear listener, so you know what you're getting yourself in to.
Okay, so Clown Corner this week is inexplicably educational, the author's Fun Facts (provided by Ken this week) seem awfully short on fact, and the story is just...well, no, the story is actually quite good.  A little unsettling, but it's A story called "The Phantom Wolfhound" by a guy name Otis Adelbert Kline, and it really is incredibly engaging.
But not engaging enough to keep your hosts on task.
Tangents include musical interludes by Bloodhound Gang (and The Offspring mislabeled as Bloodhound Gang, which neither Ken nor Heather picked up on, for shame, for shame), a treatise on the value of art, and some masturbation jokes.  So, you know...even more scatterbrained than usual.
But really, you're here for this story!
Come on in!
"The Phantom Wolfhound" was published in 1923 in Weird Tales.
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F-ing Red Heads

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This week we are literally getting a ghost story written by a priest!
That should literally be all it takes to sell you on this episode!
No?  Need more?
Heather has chosen this week's story from author Sabine Baring-Gould.  It is called "The Red-Haired Girl," and it is a shockingly fascinating story from a writer neither of your hosts had ever heard of before!  Just...listen to it!
The episode is of course filled with the regular ridiculousness. Silly songs, butt stuff, and accusations of plagiarism abound! 
But really, you're here for this story!
Come on in!
"The Red-Haired Girl" was published in 1903 in The Windsor Magazine.
Check out the Clown Corner Mockumentary at https://filmfreeway.com/1370361
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A Few of My Scariest Things

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If you were going to list the things in this world that you fear the most, what would be on that list?
Now, take that list and make it a song.
That's basically this episode.
It makes very little sense, and your hosts are so gobsmacked by the story that the barely manage a single dick joke.
Ken has chosen a story for Heather this week by the oft requested author Charlotte Perkins Gilman called "The Rocking-Chair".  It is one of the more subtly disconcerting stories they've covered on this podcast, and I actually think you might enjoy it.
There are still plenty of tangents though, for those of you who prefer the unfocused tirades. We've got Clown Rabies, Elementary School Discipline, and Sexy Blonde Psychopaths.
"The Rocking-Chair" was published in Worthington's Illustrated in 1893.
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A Tingle in the Dingle

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We're revisiting an author we haven't touched on since Episode 42 this week.  Nathaniel Hawthorne!  You know what that means?
Your hosts are extra professional and focused this week because he's a really important author...
Or something.
Heather has chosen a story for Ken to read this week which he attacks with uncharacteristic gusto.  The story is called "Dr. Heidegger's Experiment," and, surprising none of our regular listeners, the story is fascinating, and the episode devolves into chaos.
This week's tangents include the status of the American Theatre, the most literary football team, and the origin of viagra.
A huge shout out to our friends in Florida, as well.
"Dr. Heidegger's Experiment" was published in 1837.
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The Greatest Showman?

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We're back to what we do well this week.
Well, what we do okay.
Well, what we do often.
We're back to just audio! Please enjoy this return to good quality and not having to see our faces!
This week Heather reads a story Ken picked out for her, newly in the public domain.  A Sherlock Holmes short title "The Adventure of the Veiled Lodger".
But first!  We are all subjected...I mean treated...to another week of Clown Corner!
This week's bizarre conversation pieces include Heather forgetting our author's name, the true origin of cows, and the invention of the word onomatopenis.
Oh, and those A.A. Milne poems Ken mentions can be found here.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote "The Adventure of the Veiled Lodger" in 1927.
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A Video Episode

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to our live(ish) video episode!
Last week you were promised a live reading of ghost stories on Christmas.  So, here it is.
We're all aware that the audio quality is a little...eh...
BUT!You can watch Ken and Heather struggle through on by watching the video at the 50/50 Arts Production YouTube Channel linked here.That makes up for it, right!?
Both of your hosts get to read a short story by M.R. James.  And basically it's all weird, unedited, and uncensored because you're getting it as recorded.
Let us know what you think.
Tangents abound, and include topics such as Heather's fashion choices, acid trips, and possibly undead sex slaves.
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Suck It, Joe Rogan

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Where ever we go, whatever we do, we're gonna go through it...
TOGETHER!
Heather and Ken are together again, recording in their Philly home, and back at it with a vengeance.
Heather picks a story for Ken to read.  It written by E.F. Benson of "The Room in the Tower" fame.  And Ken reads it pretty well, but our hosts get distracted. A lot.
Distractions include drunk Santa, deja vu, and coming up the crags.
"Between the Lights" was written by E.F. Benson in 1912.
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A Pooh Break

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
With Heather unavailable this week, Ken is here presenting you a nice, short, solo episode.
If you like cute stories read in a soothing voice with a fire crackles in the background this is the episode for you!
If you like pretty much everything else this podcast usually does, fear not!  We're coming back at you next week!
Winnie the Pooh was written by A. A. Milne and published in 1926.
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Wide Bosom

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What do Insane Clown Posse, Surfing, and Kathy Bates have in common?  This podcast episode!
Plus, Patron Saint of Campfire Classics, Dame Agatha Christie, is back with a story for us this week with none of her usual character.
The fun facts have nothing to do with her, because we've covered her a lot.  Check out Episodes 1, 10, 20, 21, 22, and 23 for some interesting facts about her.
Heather reads the story, and your hosts discuss bosoms, Juggalos, and biblical murder.  Oh, also , Heather has CoViD, so be nice to her.
"The Wife of the Kenite" was published in 1923.
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In the Rear

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We're keeping it classic this week with an old favorite, Mr. E.A. Poe.  He's always done well by us in the past, so, why not!?
Heather selected the story and has some truly fascinating fun facts that have little to do with Mr. Poe, but that's all I'm going to tell you about that, so you'll just have to listen if you want more!
This was a bowel heavy episode which is alway...a delight? ...disturbing? ...another "d" word I can't think of? Sure. Someone likes it in the rear, there's wind and a candle in the poop, and the whole thing gets flushed down a giant hole.
"MS Found in a Bottle" was published in 1833.
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The Drinks Was Good

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I'm not gonna lie, this weeks story is a really good one.  Your hosts are returning to form with a story old enough to be considered classic from an author with some drama in her life. Heather reads "Ponsonby and the Pantheress" by Richard Dehan (pen name of Clotilde Graves), and I'm not even going to be sarcastic this week, she killed it.  Great Story, great read, and Ken...is also there.
Things to remember:The moon is sexy.The drinks was good.The door is gaping.
"Ponsonby and the Pantheress" can be found in the 1914 book The Cost of Wings, and Other Stories.
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Bad Touch

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This week, your hosts have lost their minds and decided for some reason to subject us all to a long ass edition of Clown Corner.  So, you'll have to forgive me for wanting to get out of this as quickly as possible.
This one comes with several warning:Clowns aren't funny.ClownDog is coming to get you.  Woof woof stab, bitches.Clowns are your overlords, now.
Oh, and Heather picked a story for Ken called "The Happy Clown".  Has there ever been a title that sent chills further down your spine?  Good lord!
"The Happy Clown" was written by Alice Eleanor Jones and published in If in 1955.  Extensive research has been able to uncovered no evidence of an active copyright.
Did you dance for us?
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A Cock Colonel

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The only important thing to come out of this episode is Heather's new country song entitled "Snake Proof Boots".  Genuinely, nothing else matters.  But, I'm not going to tell you when in the episode that happens, so if you want to hears it you'll just have to listen to the entire episode.  
Some strange talking points do come up that leave me with questions.What is a "shit tin brick house"?How many creepy ass dolls is Lindsay hiding?Can we get through one episode without without an ejaculation reference?
Heather reads a story called "Rough Beast" written under the pen name Roger Dee, but you'll have to listen to the episode to learn the author's REAL name...
"Rough Beast" was published in 1962 meaning Ken was wrong when he said it was published in the '50s and he is, as I have long contended, either an idiot or a liar. Either way, extensive research has been able to uncovered no evidence of an active copyright.
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Then Came Lady Xanax

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Coming to you from the City of Brotherly Love!
Heather doubles down on Clown Corner (oh lord, now we'll never get rid of it), and I'm pretty sure Ken compares himself to a god.
They also ask some hard hitting questions.What's the hardest thing about moving?He had the third biggest what in London?What sword swallowing skills are transferable to everyday life?
Oh yeah, plus they read a story.  Heather selected a Sir Arthur Conan Doyle story called "The Case of Lady Sannox" and Ken reads it.  And the story is good enough that you can totally ignore most of his terrible reading choices!
"The Case of Lady Sannox" was published in The Idler, in 1893.
We previously covered Sir Doyle in Episodes 4, 5, 18, and 74
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Why Am I Sticky

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Heather's back and it's looking like we might actually get a few episodes in a row with the OG team!
Will Clown Corner survive its first run in with her?  Only you can decide!
What did you learn in High School?What's the worst slutty holiday?Do ghosts orgasm?
These questions are answered, whether you like it or not, while heather reads the story Ken has picked out for her. It's called "Call From a Far Planet" by Tom Godwin.  It's pretty intense.
"Call From a Far Planet" was published in Amazing, a magazine with a very confident name, in 1958.
Extensive research has been unable to find evidence of an active copyright. If we're wrong, tell us. Or don't. Either way, oops.
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A Vengeful Couch

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How do you murder a couch?Who is going to get theirs?How early is too early for coming?
These questions seem needlessly...nope, just needless.  But, that's the price we pay for letting this show go on so long.
If you've enjoyed Clown Corner so far, then it's your fault we're still doing it!  This week's clown update is...hmm...no, I'm not going to spoil it.  Better to let you find out be listening.
But the story is by a new author named Desmond Coke.  He wrote us a great ghost story that Ken manages to stammer through fairly quickly.  Which we all appreciate.
"The Ghost That Failed" appears in the book Red Cross Story Book by Famous Novelists Serving in His Majesty's Forces, which was sold as a sort of fund raiser for wounded soldiers in 1915.
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No Morals, All Filler

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Can you braid your back hair?What does WCCDESTARWSMAPTBT stand for?Do women really have "war counsels"?
And most importantly, does any of this have a point?  That one is easy to answer.  Nope! No point.  No moral.  All filler.
Craig Kellberg is once again in the co-host seat, putting up with another installment of Clown Corner, and then reading a story by O Henry called "The Trimmed Lamp".
It is either a filthy euphemism or a poetic hint at the story's moral.  If it has one... 
"The Trimmed Lamp" appears in the book The Trimmed Lamp, and Other Stories of the Four Million which was published in the 1907.
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Bad Dates

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Can we talk about clowns two episodes in row?What's your first thought when you hear "collar"?Does The Expendables need another sequel?
I don't know, but that sounds like the kind of stuff we talk about here, alright.  Pointless and meandering.
Craig Kellberg is back in the co-host seat for a second week in a row, and selected for Ken a story called "A Call" by Grace MacGowan Cooke. Possibly with the help of her sister.
And then your hosts ramble on about embarrassing dating situations.  So don't miss that!
"A Call" was published in the 1906.
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Bad Doctor

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How do you feel about clowns?Is it okay to practice your strokes in public?Would you smoke another man's pipe?
These questions and more are discussed as your hosts try to read another one of those books that look good on your shelf.
If you have a shelf.
Or books.
This week, Craig Kellberg is back in the co-host seat, and Ken has given him a story called "A Fight with a Ghost" by and author credited as Q.E.D.  Who is this mysteriously named author?
You'll have to listen to find out!
"A Fight with a Ghost" was published in the 1904 collection 25 Ghost Stories compiled and edited by W. Bob Holland.
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And check out Toybox, America's Favorite Cartoon Witch!
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Angsty Bloviation

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How old is too old to be a teenage dirtbag?
Like, that whole attitude stops being cool eventually, right?
That seems to be a major talking point in this weeks story by Russia's great tragedian or comedian depending on who you ask, Anton Long-middle-name-that-starts-with-a-P Chekhov.
Ken reads the story with such great detailed character work that even he forgets when he's reading and when he's just being an idiot.  And this week's co-host Jamie does her best to sneak some historical relevance in, but it's a losing battle.  But what do you expect from a story literally called "From the Diary of a Violent Tempered Man".  It may as well be titled "Boo Hoo, I'm Grumpy".
Along the way, your hosts discuss the invention of CPR, adolescent melancholy, and Getting stoned and playing Grand Theft Auto.
"From the Diary of a Violent Tempered Man" was first published in July, 1887.
Oh, and for the song The Guitar, mentioned in this episode go here!
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The Menace in the Rear

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Have you ever thought "Gosh, I miss being young"?
This episode will singlehandedly change your mind.
The good old days were neither good, nor old, nor days.  Actually that's not true.  They were definitely days, they were older than today, and some of them may have been good, but that's not the point.
The point is that this week, your hosts have a story for you by Stephen Crane called "The Pace of Youth", and good lord young people are stupid!  Not you of course. You are both young and very clever.  But all the other young people?  Yeah, dummies.
And what do Ken and Heather talk about while reading this story?The death of Romeo and Juliet.The death of Yahoo!The death of X-Tube.Huh...that's a lot of death for a cute story about young people...weird.
"The Pace of Youth" was first published in The Open Boat and Other Stories in 1898.
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