Campfire Classics Podcast

Swagger Cab

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Do you like terrible accent choices from actors?
Do you appreciate a euphemism about at sausage so long you have to wind it around itself?
Do you love the upbeat and chipper works of 19th century Russian literature?
Then this episode is for you!
Heather has chosen the story "Black Fog" by Aleksandr I. Kuprin. Ken is dubious from the beginning and by the end he's still unsure how to feel.
Ken whines about crumpets, uses a wildly inappropriate dialect, and hints that Tennessee Williams might just be American Chekhov.
"Black Fog" was published in 1905 and translated by Douglas Ashby.
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The Courage Surgeon

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Let's get ready to rumble!!!
It's the battle of the Franceses...the Francees? The Franci?
And what do you call a group of people called Frances?
Anyway, this week's story is from Irish Poet Frances Browne. Ken talks all about her before turning things over to Heather to read "The Christmas Cuckoo"!
The story gets side tracked by discussion of Weird Harvard Majors, a Magical Waffle House, and Heather accidentally ruining her Google search algorithm.
Oh, also, if you happen to know Travis McElroy, send him this episode or just let him know the team at Campfire Classics appreciates the work he put in at Twenty Sided Tavern
"The Christmas Cuckoo" was first published in 1857.
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Allegedly

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This week's story is one of those OLD stories that is surprisingly current feeling.
It is called "The Stranger Woman," and it was selected by Heather, who despite not being the one reading today still manages to trip over her tongue.
Written by G.B. Stern, the story takes nearly as many turns as last weeks journey to dream ancient Egypt, and it gives birth to conversations about the game Cops and Robbers, the musical Chicago, and the earliest self-pleasure joke your hosts have yet faced.
"The Stranger Woman" was first published in 1922.
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The Everything Hole

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
You've been gifted, this week, with possibly the kinkiest story (at least in your hosts minds) yet read on this podcast.
But what do you expect out of a story called "The Mummy's Foot"?
Ken has chosen the story for Heather to read based solely on the fact that the author, Pierre Jules Théophile Gautier, is super French, and he thought that would be funny. Regular listeners are either excited or rolling their eyes.
Proceed with caution.
Along the way your hosts discuss French stereotypes, explicit paper weights, and cursed thrifting.
"The Mummy's Foot" was first published in 1840.
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Snakes of a Train

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Well, your hosts might have played last week...poorly...
But, no one has ever accused them of TOO MUCH tact.
Ah well, life goes on. We hope.
This week will be better. Probably. Not.
Heather has picked a story called "The Dream Snake" for Ken to read. It's by previous Campfire Classics author Robert E. Howard, who you can hear all about by listening back to Episode 53. Heather gives us Fun Facts completely unrelated.
Conversation topics include the original lyrics to the song "Waltzing Matilda," weird dreams, and disappointing parties. Definitely not any recent politics...
Okay, maybe a little recent politics.
But your hosts move on quickly, so you can enjoy it amyway!
"The Dream Snake" was published in 1928 in the magazine Weird Tales.
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Butt Mortal

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Heather's back!
And we're really hoping that not the best news you're getting today.
Ken has selected a story for Heather to read called "The Mysterious Case". It's by a previous Campfire Classics author named Anna Katherine Green.
And frankly, you can tell your hosts have been chomping at the bit to get back at it, so I'm not even going to spoil conversation topics for you.
Just listen!
"The Mysterious Case" was published in 1891.
The organizations Ken has mentioned during these specials are Beloved Asheville and North Carolina Stage Company.
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The Willows: Chapter 5

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to the final Special of October 2024.
Ken is going to be reading the book The Willows by Algernon Blackwood.
At five chapters long, you'll be getting one chapter per week! And this is the final chapter. The end of the story. We're finally at the end. This has been a wild trip.
The Willows was published in 1907.
The organizations Ken has mentioned during these specials are Beloved Asheville and North Carolina Stage Company.
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The Willows: Chapter 4

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to the second Special of October 2024.
This month, Ken is going to be reading the book The Willows by Algernon Blackwood.
At five chapters long, you'll be getting one chapter per week!
This is, in essence, the meat of the story. If you've enjoyed the last couple weeks set up, strap in, because this one is WILD!
The Willows was published in 1907.
The organizations Ken mentioned at the top of the episode are Beloved Asheville and North Carolina Stage Company.
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Now sit back, light a fire (or even a candle), grab a drink, and enjoy.

The Willows: Chapter 3

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to the second Special of October 2024.
This month, Ken is going to be reading the book The Willows by Algernon Blackwood.
At five chapters long, you'll be getting one chapter per week!
The third chapter starts to hint at what the real trouble might be...
The Willows was published in 1907.
The organizations Ken mentioned at the top of the episode are Beloved Asheville and North Carolina Stage Company.
Email us at 5050artsproduction@gmail.com.
Remember to tell five friends to check out Campfire Classics.
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Now sit back, light a fire (or even a candle), grab a drink, and enjoy.

The Willows: Chapter 2

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to the second Special of October 2024.
This month, Ken is going to be reading the book The Willows by Algernon Blackwood.
At five chapters long, you'll be getting one chapter per week!
This second chapter catapults us straight in to the first concrete evidence of something...not right.
The Willows was published in 1907.
The organizations Ken mentioned at the top of the episode are Beloved Asheville and North Carolina Stage Company.
Email us at 5050artsproduction@gmail.com.
Remember to tell five friends to check out Campfire Classics.
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Now sit back, light a fire (or even a candle), grab a drink, and enjoy.

The Willows: Chapter I

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Welcome to the first Special of October 2024.
This month, Ken is going to be reading the book The Willows by Algernon Blackwood.
At five chapters long, you'll be getting one chapter per week!
This first chapter very much sets the tone and leaves you anxious for what comes next. An amazing and atmospheric piece to take us through the spooky season.
The Willows was published in 1907.
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Now sit back, light a fire (or even a candle), grab a drink, and enjoy.

Pretty Much People

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This is an update and a VERY important story.
Basically, Ken shows up and is like "oops we got busy, we'll be back soon" then he reads some story about a woman who becomes her own husband.
It's actually pretty freaking wild.
Give it a listen.
The story is called "If I Were a Man". It was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman and published in 1914.
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Trust No One

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to solve the murder before the writer solves it for you.
Honestly, I didn't, and I really felt I should have.
Anyway, it's a solo mission from Ken, so if you listen it'll be good for his ego, and he's been feeling kinda down on himself lately, so you really should give it a listen. And then tell him it's a really good story and that your going to tell your friends about the podcast because they'll love him.
And tell him his hair looks nice today, too.
He's really very needy.
It's exhausting taking care of this guy.
But, yes, the story is called "One Hundred Bucks Per Stiff". It was written by J. Lloyd Conrich and published in 1942.
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I Choo Choo Choose You

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Stop me if you've heard this one.
On second thought, don't stop me, just listen to the episode. It's easier that way.
This week, Ken has chosen a story of historical significance from author Grant Allen called "A Deadly Dilemma". It is a cute story with a couple of characters who are really bad at making life choices.
Heather reads the story, but the whole thing is repeatedly derailed by things like reminiscence of childhood romance, toilet death, and a random sidebar on the nature of Bluegrass Music.
So, if you're into completely unfocused nonsense, enjoy this episode.
"A Deadly Dilemma" was published in 1891.
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Death by Balling

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
This episode is full of uncomfortable sounds.
You've been warned.
Heather has selected a story called "The Man Who Could Imitate a Bee" for Ken to read. It's by a guy named Dick. Dick Connell. Jr.
She's also collected facts for a really frightening Creep Corner.
You've been warned twice.
Ken reads it with seriously, too many weird noises.
While he reads, your hosts discuss flying gang bangs, political propaganda, and the relative merits of beeing queen. Yes, I spelled that right.
"The Man Who Could Imitate a Bee" was published in 1923.
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Cannibal Flavored Whiskey

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We're back in form, like it or not!
This week's author is Alfred Bester, a new author to the show who's life was basically Leave it to Beaver. Ken has selected the story called "The Unseen Blushers". Heather gives a good read, but only after the most unsettling Creep Corner this podcast has shared.
Along the way, your hosts discuss water born syphilis, interesting caucasians, and evil nerds.
"The Unseen Blushers" was published in 1942. Extensive research has uncovered no indication of an active copyright.
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Fat Ugly Frog

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Long time listeners will take one look at the run time of this episode and think "ah crap, another episode of just Ken reading to us."
And you're right. He reads an H. P. Lovecraft story called "The Moon-Bog" after making some whiney apology about "life is busy and we couldn't record a regular one this week."
No one cares, Ken! Do your job!!!
Anyway...it's a good creepy story. you should listen to it.
"The Moon-Bog" was published in 1926.
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Let Us Fill Your Fancy

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
If you like Creep Corner but find yourself thinking "I wish they talked about things that should scare me in real life," then this is the episode for you!
Once we get through that little amuse bouche, the episode starts in earnest. Heather has picked a story for Ken to read by a new author named Clark Ashton (when she pronounces it right) Smith. His story is...actually super spooky.
During the episode, your hosts discuss an expansion on to Only Fans, the opening of a new gay club, and who is the hottest David?
"The Gorgon" was published in Weird Tales, April 1932.
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Fate's Climax

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Clown corner has taken a turn for the creepy, technical difficulties have led a strange release day, and Heather is reading two weeks in a row.  What is happening to this podcast!?!?
Actually, I can't lie, this is a good one. I mean, you know I think this show is ridiculous and pointless, but this episode? Yeah, it was a good one.
It's a story by a woman named Sonia Greene. Heather does a great job reading it, except for when she forgets how to read. 
Talking points include the failure of technology, Etsy curses, and plagiarism.
"The Invisible Monster" was published in 1923. 5 years before Call of Cthulu. Just sayin'...
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Drunk and Naked

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
It's like welcoming back and old friend who you've missed and as soon as they are back you remember that you actually hate them. That's right, it's the return of Clown Corner.
I'm sorry.
Once you get through that nonsense the episode get so much...longer. But, at least Ken has picked an interesting author. Dorothy Parker led a fascinating life which Ken summarizes far too quickly and wrote a great story calle "Little Curtis" full of words that Heather can barely pronounce. But you should listen anyway.
During the episode you'll get discussion of lame last names, terrible last names, and Welsh last names...wow, there's a lot of nomenclature humor this week... 
"Little Curtis" was published in 1927.
Willie the Wolf stuff can be found at https://clarencesimonsen745590793.wordpress.com/2022/01/13/willie-the-wolf-draft-pdf-version/
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Thick Thighs Get You High

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
You know what, I'm not even going to complain about this episode. Your hosts do their job, the story is fun, so screw it. Just enjoy this one!
Heather's got a story for Ken to read from a new author named Jean Ingelow called "The Prince's Dream." It's a charming little parable. Really. 
As usual, side topics abound including how to fix time, the original source material for the Die Hard movies, and Alfred, Lord Tennyson is a prancing pop kid.
"The Prince's Dream" was published in 1863.
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A Visit From The Crimson Clown

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Well, you asked for it...literally...and now you're gonna get it.
Heather's back, and she's reading, and it's chaos, and somehow Ken has decided he's just going to say intentionally stupid things...
I don't know what's going on anymore, but I don't think I like it.
Whatever.
Ken has selected a story for Heather to read. It's called "Thubway Tham's Inthane Moment." Yes, it was spelled that way on purpose. It was written by Johnston McCulley of Zorro fame, and it's just weird.
Also, your hosts discuss the death of brunch, how many bad morals one story can have, and whether or not a crime is a crime if the victim is a dick.
"Thubway Tham's Inthane Moment" was published in 1918 in Detective Story Magazine.
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A Reason for Anonymity

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Bahahahaha!
No, sorry, that laughter was not for how funny the episode was. I'm laughing at Ken for how sad and lonely he sounds. Teehee.  What a sucker...
Anyway, this week, Ken reads a story by a mysterious author, asks us no questions, demands no talking points and basically just gives us an excellent audiobook read of a very odd story. It's like he took it seriously or something! Come on Ken, that's not why we listen, and you know it
The story "The Minor Canon" was published in 1909 in The Lock and Key Library: Classic Mystery and Detective Stories.
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Hold My Vernal Juice

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
We're back!
Sorry, that sounded kind of like a threat, didn't it?  No, just, like, "Hello! We're here! It's story time!"
Ken has selected a story by an author new to the show. Born Alice Mary Norton, she legally changed her name to her primary pseudonym, Andre Norton. The Story is called "All Cats Are Gray," and it is a delightful little adventure without heavy topics or political themes.  Which mean Ken and Heather feel free to just riff and joke around without fear of offending anyone.  So, you know...things get weird.
Heather reads well, but is interrupted by questions like:Is this our swiciest episode ever? No, that's not a typo.Does "it" feel like warm Cup of Noodles? Yes, that "it".What is that smell? The answer isn't not "corrupt taint."
"All Cats Are Gray" was published in Fantastic Universe Science Fiction, August–September 1953. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.
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Alien Landlord

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
I'm going to get straight to the point, something your hosts seem completely incapable of doing this week.
This story is actually fairly divisive. Like, Ken and Heather don't agree what the message was. So, listen to the end and let us know who you agree with!
That out of the way, the story is by an author who may or may not be a hammerhead shark named Lucas Malet. Spoilers, it's a fake name.
The story is called "The Birth of a Masterpiece," and it is psychologically complex (the only time anyone will say that about this show).
While Ken reads with admirable effort, your hosts discuss getting tanked on wine coolers, mid '90s garage drugs, and literary pornography.
"The Birth of a Masterpiece" was first published in 1922 in The Story-Teller.
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Just Don't

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
I'm not even gonna pretend this one isn't cool. It starts with a bizarre little song from Heather and really just keeps going from there!
Okay, so, Ken has chosen a story for Heather to read by H.G. Wells, which is always a good time. It's called "The Stolen Body," and yes, it is every bit as ominous as it sounds.
Along the way, your hosts talk personal ghost stories, who lasted longer as a barista, and the anatomical endowment of Greek Gods.
Oh! And stick around for the end of the episode where Ken challenges you to take part in an experiment.
"The Stolen Body" was first published in 1898.
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Anatomy of a F- Boi

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Cue music.
And... SING!
I wanna know what love is!I want you to show me!I wanna feel what love is!I know you can show me!
And... CUT!
Oh, hello, you're here for the podcast? Right, come on in. You're in the right place.
What are we doing?
Oh, yes!
This week, Heather found a story for Ken by an author that neither of them knew before and they really should be ashamed of themselves for it. The author is Frances Ellen Watkins Harper, and I gotta say, she impressed me. But if I say anymore it'll be spoilers for the Fun Facts, and know one wants that.
The story is "The Two Offers," and, well, strap in kiddos.
Ken reads, it's fine. His voice is weird. Whatever.
Your hosts coin the term "podstalker," discuss a variety of mammalian STDs, and whine about how hard it is to be pretty and popular.
"The Two Offers" was first published in 1859 in The Anglo-African Newspaper.
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Hellfire Classics: A Rebranding

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Remind me, was this one a solar eclipse, a lunar eclipse, or an apocalypse. I always get those confused.
It probably doesn't matter. Though that earthquake was suspicious...
A podcast!!!
This week, Ken has picked out a story for Heather. Who wants to try to guess how many words she pronounces wrong this week? Here's a hint: you're wrong.
The story is called "Jerry Bundler," and am I the only one who kept hear "Jerry Bung Hole"?
Anyway, written by W.W. Jacobs of "The Monkey Paw" fame (check out episode 44 of Campfire Classics for more on him), it's a pretty good story and fortunately there are no French characters, so our readers accent work is pretty good!
Episode highlights (or lowshadows depending on how good your taste is) include Ken telling a long story from his days as a waiter, your hosts discovering a new frightening aphrodisiac, and Heather being reminded of Ginger Dick.
"Jerry Bundler" was first published in The Windsor Magazine in December 1897.
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Yappy Dog City

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
How was your week?
Mmmhmm..., that's interesting.
Yes, mine was fine, but now we're back to work!
This week, Heather has selected a story for Ken to read by Ambrose Bierce, who has made two previous appearances on the podcast both to rave reviews from people who give reviews to such things. Probaby.
The story is called "The Middle Toe of the Right Foot," which does seem a strange and niche title, I agree.
The story is quite engaging and Ken reads it with his usual array of consonants and vowels.
During the episode, Ken makes an unacknowledged Highlander reference, your hosts discuss an unexpected erogenous zone, and we answer the age old question “are introverts just secret Warlocks?”
"The Middle Toe of the Right Foot" was first published in The San Francisco Examiner on April 17, 1890.
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Doctor Recommended Death

Welcome to Campfire Classics, a Literary Comedy Podcast!!
Aaahhhh...
All is right with the world again. Ken and Heather are back to doing what they do best. Butchering great works of literature for your passing amusement.
This week Ken has a story for Heather called "The Compleat Criminal." Yes, it's really spelled that way. Yes, I think it's dumb, too.
But it was written by Edgar Wallace, who apparently wasn't a total moron, which is really saying something for a white man at the turn of the century, so...yay!
In addition to some surprised babbling up front we are treated to the usual brand of linguistic nonsense.What is the right side of 40?Who has Hollywood’s best eyebrows?How many ways can Heather mispronounce the phrase “county constabulary”?
"The Compleat Criminal" was published in 1928 in Wallace's collection entitled The Thief in the Nightand Other Stories.
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Now sit back, light a fire (or even a candle), grab a drink, and enjoy.